Same Side of the Table
My husband Wesley and I will celebrate our seventh wedding anniversary next month. It’s hard to believe all that’s happened in that time. We’ve moved, loved on two amazing dogs, traveled extensively, welcomed friends’ babies, celebrated weddings, mourned losses—and a pandemic in between.
As our anniversary approaches, I find myself reflecting not just on the milestones, but on the lessons. One of the best pieces of advice we received came from the Episcopal priest who married us, Tom Hotchkiss, during premarital counseling over Zoom. (Tom was in Texas, we were in Alabama, and the wedding was in North Carolina!)
He told us:
“You’ll face challenges, no doubt. Just remember to sit on the same side of the table, with the problem across from you—never across from each other.”
Simple, right? But that visual has stayed with me. And it’s served us incredibly well. We haven’t always done it perfectly, of course—but even naming the idea helps. Saying “we’re on the same team” is one thing. But picturing it? That’s different. It gives shape to what it means to be united in the face of tension or uncertainty.
Interestingly, I’ve found myself borrowing that same framing in my work.
In some ways, I think it’s easier to live into this idea in a marriage. At the end of the day, you’re climbing into the same bed, waking up beside the same person. The physical and emotional closeness nudges you toward unity. But in professional spaces—especially in schools—it can be harder. Meetings with parents, teachers, or students often happen across literal tables. And when a conversation is challenging, that physical setup can quickly become symbolic—we feel like we’re volleying across a divide.
So I’ve tried to be intentional. My desk is angled to make room beside me. If a tough conversation is coming, I try to position the seating so we’re next to one another—not to control the vibe, but to remind myself: this person and I are on the same team. Even if we have different perspectives, we’re working together to face the challenge ahead.
Whether in marriage or leadership, that small shift—from across the table to beside it—makes a big difference (at least for me!). It doesn’t guarantee agreement. But it opens the door to empathy, collaboration, and shared problem-solving. And most of the time, that’s exactly what we need.